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Breaking Out is Hard to Do
I hope your May Eve is treating you well! Here in Portland, we’ve had the first sunny weekend in 6 months. I’m not sure whether to soak up the light and warmth or hiss at the giant ball of fire in the sky—I settled for a bit of both. Other notable bits: the Rose City Pride Band gave a gorgeous concert last night, and my favorite mocktail bar provided a lime and coconut libation to die for.
My sense of enjoyment and openness feels a bit different these days than it has in a long time.
Because inertia is easy for me. I get used to living with and around things the way they are, whether they serve me or not. Breaking out of that state of resigned status quo for me feels Sisyphean. Do I keep pushing that damn boulder up hill for all eternity? Or do I just walk away from it altogether?
Walking away is not part of my internal programming. The very thought of it freaks me out on an animal/instinctual soul level. In order to embrace that sort of change, I need one of two things. The first involves being clocked across the skull with a clue-by-four, and who wants that?
The second involves peeling away one finger at a time from the side of the boulder and seeing what happens. Maybe the boulder rolls over me, but that much less likely than my fear believes it to be. If I peel away enough fingers from the side of the boulder and I don’t die, then I start feeling like I might be able to just step away from the whole mess.
I’ve lived in little house with a pantry-less kitchen for 6-1/2 years and have never built myself a pantry in another available space. I’ve tried to use the closet under the stairs, but it hasn’t served well because I had all the wrong organizational tools and couldn’t decide on what might work best. Six and a half years of indecision. Until yesterday.
I offer this photo as inspiration for anything you may need to do that you’ve been putting off.
I had no idea I owned so many chili kits. But now that I know, and with the rain and chill returning this evening, I think I’ll make a pot of chili to enjoy.
Sending you lots of love and May Day wishes,